Desire
by Sinfully Sadistic
Summary: v. to wish or long for; crave; want. /Zexion desires that which he cannot have./


**Desire  
**/dɪˈzaɪər/ [dih-**zahy****uh****r**]  
_v.  
_to wish or long for; crave; want

Zexion normally wasn't one to admit to having any sort of…feelings.

He believed that, one day, Nobodies like himself who had the desire to actually feel, would be able to obtain a Heart and become whole. In fact, he was researching ways on how to make that dream a reality.

However, as he stared up at Roxas and Axel talking and laughing, and being all around…happy (for even if the emotion was faked, they certainly _appeared_ genuinely happy) with one another, Zexion couldn't help but…_feel _angry.

Perhaps angry wasn't the right word for what he was…feeling. The odd sensation he felt in his chest wasn't one of 'anger.' The sensation kept telling him to go up there and sit between the two Nobodies, and ruin their 'happy' time.

It was like a metaphorical monster was sitting on his shoulder, whispering hateful words about the two Nobodies, and describing many delicious ways on how to destroy that 'happiness.' If Zexion wasn't the type of man that he was, then he probably would have listened to the whispering monster, portalled up there, and burst their happy little bubble.

So…perhaps it wasn't anger, but jealousy?

Zexion knew and understood that while Nobodies couldn't _truly_ feel anything, they could trick themselves into believing that they could. Sometimes, a Nobody who has faked emotion so much, and for so long, becomes convinced that they truly can feel. That the emotions they're experiencing are real, human, _whole_ emotions.

Zexion had always believed that those Nobodies were fools.

However, looking up at Roxas and Axel in their happy little bubble, and listening to the metaphorical monster whispering in his ear, Zexion couldn't help but think that the jealousy he was feeling was pure, _real_ jealousy. He couldn't help but think that he was _envious_ of Roxas and Axel's relationship.

Even if Roxas, at the time, was a little wary of Axel, deep down, the blond Nobody knew that he and Axel were meant to be friends. Their friendship just…felt…right.

Before Roxas lost his memories, he almost never left Axel's side. One almost never saw one Nobody without the other – and if you did, it was because it couldn't be helped.

Zexion hadn't really thought much about their relationship back before Roxas left the Organization; he hadn't _cared_. VIII and XIII were simply children to be watched, and that was it.

But now, _now_ that Zexion had seen what Axel was like without his short, blond companion, he couldn't help but feel like he was missing out on something.

Demyx was a close acquaintance, sure, but Zexion was as indifferent as his default expression made him out to be, and he had never really made an effort to be…friendly with the Sitarist. Again, he hadn't _cared_.

But watching Axel and Roxas interact, watching them talk and laugh and just have a good time, Zexion found that he _wanted_ something like that with someone.

It wouldn't be with Axel or Roxas – they already had each other; there was no room in their bubble for the dark, cold, indifferent book-worm Zexion. After all, a bubble could only expand so much before it burst.

Perhaps he and Demyx would be able to build something like that…but Demyx was bright and happy (or at least he'd deluded himself into believing so), and everything Zexion was _not_.

They were complete opposites.

While Demyx was the sun and the sky, and the fluffy blue clouds, Zexion was – not the moon, for even the moon gives off light – but a black hole in space with darkness so absolute, that not even the sun can brighten its black depths.

Demyx was like the ocean; free, independent, carefree, _beautiful_. Zexion was like the frozen tundra; cold, hard, unforgiving, deadly and silent.

An ocean may kill you, but it will wrap itself around you, embracing you until your heart beats its final note. The tundra will drown you with frozen air, and make you feel the numbness that it does. And while the death is somewhat peaceful, you will not be wrapped in the tundra's embrace – you will lie on top of its surface, never breaking through, until your body is covered by frozen tears from the sky (tears Zexion knew Demyx would shed, for Zexion could not, _would not_ ever cry).

So, no, Zexion didn't believe that he _deserved_ to have that kind of relationship with the enigma that was Demyx.

And despite how true Zexion knew that thought was, he couldn't ignore the dark whispers of the monster sitting on his shoulder, and he couldn't ignore the pure, achingly powerful _desire_ to have what Roxas and Axel had.

But, just because he couldn't ignore those (_fake, Zexion, they're not __**real**__!_) feelings, didn't mean that he had to listen to them.

So, like he always did when things became too jumbled and _l__**o**__u_**d **for him, he wrapped his mind in an illusion of his own creation, one where Zexion wasn't around such bright Nobodies, and he was alone, just like he (_deserved_) wanted to be.

Whoever said magicians couldn't be fooled by their own illusions, obviously had never been a magician.

_**fin**_

* * *

I apologize for any grammatical mistakes, and also for any OOCness that Zexion may have.

Also, I'm a bit...iffy about the comparison part of this drabble. You know, the part where Zexy's like, 'Demyx is the sun and I'm a black hole?' Yeah. That part. I feel like...it's way corny, but whatever.

This drabble is actually something I did as a side project to a little KH fic my friends and I are writing. We haven't finished it, yet, and it's a very slow work in progress, but it's (for the chapters that I write, at least) a lot of introspection on the parts of Zexion and Axel, mostly, since I'm way too NOT Roxas to get a fix on his mentality. That's my friend's job. ^__^

Anyway, I've also written an _omake_ for this. I re-wrote it, so it's not the same thing, but my friend wanted me to write something humorous because she thought the idea of Zexion 'plopping' down between Roxas and Axel was really funny. So, if you want me to post that, then just tell me in a review, okay?

Oh, and **OI! Reviews are VERY welcome and _TOTALLY_ appreciated. Like, seriously. Does my Zexion make sense? I need your input KH fans. Especially Zexy fans!**

--- _On a side note: this fic was originally named 'Sexy Zexy,' just because I like saying that. ^__^_**  
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